When I recently took up a subscription of a dating site, to my great delight I spotted the perfect Mr. Right with his gorgeous profile staring at me. He was near perfect in his photograph as much as he was in his profile. Cute and adorable, attractive eyes , flawless skin with clean complexion and salt-and-pepper hair. His profile said he was a charming handsome man with sober habits, a professional who travels very often, reads novels and loves to shop.
I strained my nerves to write to him, carefully making sure that all my commas and punctuation were in place. Imagine my thrill when he replied and said he was flattered to receive my mail. He poured to me his culinary skills and how much he loves the beach and that how he tries to work out every day. In the weeks that followed he wrote several mails and in one he asked me if I could help him with some of his financial stress to which I gladly wired him the required money. My common sense was obviously blurred with hallowed romantic ambitions. He said he would come over to meet me soon. However after I transferred him the money, forget about coming over, he did not even bother to say a modest ‘thank you’. Imagine my heartbreak and sorrow when I soon realized that he actually did not exist but however managed to scam the smarty out of me.
The above incident happened to a friend of mine and is not something new to those of you who are accustomed to the nuances of the internet. I know many people on dating websites who tell little white lies— ensuring that their profile has an outwardly positive spin with their age, weight, income and the gobbled reason their last relationship broke up. However you may be surprised to uncover that some profiles are fakes, created by scammers and mischief sheeters looking to defraud innocent victims. In many cases they are able to con even smart victims, people who would never fall for one of those emails from Nigeria but are not able to resist the distorted desires of the heart.
It is funny when you find out and wonder how smart people get fooled so easily? When we are looking at the physical attributes of a person and get attracted to them we also presume and imagine that he or she has other positive qualities as well. We do not let our common sense work at these times and allow physical good looks to control our thinking abilities. This is the reason why good looking people often get paid more than average looking persons. This is probably what happens in online dating as well. We see an attractive person online or see an interesting profile, we son get into fantasy land and are projecting into that person whom we are dreaming of, thereby letting our guard down and ignoring all the red flags which are glaringly visible for us to see. No doubt online scammers have been using this weakness of ours consistently with a lot of success.
It is well understood that in internet dating it is a virtual world where everyone does not know everyone else. Your best friends while you are online are your keyboard, the mouse, the computer monitor, the web camera , the electrical supply and the internet connection. You can trust these things to give you a connection to the online world. However you have no control whatsoever about what kind of people you connect with, in the online territory. Everything is based on hope because you have little or no avenue to confirm the credentials of the people that you come in contact with.
So what can you possibly do to save yourself from online dating scammers?
The following online dating tips should help Christian men, women, girls, boys, tips, shy guys , single parents as well as senior dating people to help you to take precautions about your dating partner by following some internet dating tips
1. Internet dating profile tips —- Analyse the profile
The profile of your online dating person is the one which can give you the most insight into the personality and the character of a person. However if a profile is written in a pompous manner do not judge by it alone. Profiles are often copied and pasted with minor changes because of the laziness of a dating person. So take the profile details and keep them at the back of your mind to supplement your study. In some cases profiles are created exclusively by a person on his/her own. Such profiles stand out from the crowd. You can analyze these profiles and get to understand the person and his tastes etc. Whether the person just wrote some pompous stuff would be understood when you meet that person physically.
2. Do your own research on the online dating person
Some online dating research on the person that you are dating is bound to go a long way in keeping you informed in advance before you get to know the wrong way
(a) Check out the person’s photos. How do you check if the person who has put up the photograph is actually the same person? Here’s some help. On tineye.com you can upload a picture and find out information about where on the Internet that photo has appeared. So don’t forget to use it. It may throw up some info for you to consider. This service is not foolproof and is just a tool to assist you if it possibly can.
(b) Seek some more information about the person before sharing your own email or phone number. Where does this person live and work? Use the search engines and type his/her name to get more info. Check for the person on social networking sites, such as Facebook and Orkut. Scan his Facebook page and check whether his Facebook page matches whatever he’s telling you . You also can paste entire paragraphs from a profile on a dating site or an entire email message inside the Google search box. You might just stumble on some sob story scenario and check to see if it is common. You could be empowering yourself with guarded info which should give you some measure of confidence or lack of it in your dating person before you decide to meet.
3. Talk before you meet in person
Get talking to your date as early as possible. Psychologists believe that you can tell if a person is real or not within a minute or so over the phone . So get on with your date talk before you actually meet and talk. The web chat can also help you after some phone talks to chat virtually in person. However this may not give a great indication as people often put up an act on a web camera whereas in reality they may be different.
4. Mind the Language
When you talk over the phone do pay attention to the use of the language by your dating partner. Is there non-standard English or flowery phrasing or exaggerated expressions which is not the norm where you live? These can be considered as big red flags and may be the undercurrents to a persons personality.
5. Fix the meeting and observe the timekeeping
When you decide to meet a person you will obviously have a telephone chat with that person. Understand his dialogue process and see how much importance he gives to punctuality , timing and places of meeting.
6. Observe behavioral Patterns
When you meet your dating partner on a date, you have to observe his behavioral traits as best as you can. Read the signs and they will give you a cartload of information. For instance, when another opposite single passes by as you speak to each other, is the attention of your dating partner diverted? Is there distraction or not? Is your dating partner too obsessed with other singles’ stories? Is he/she involved in too much of self flattery. Does he/she care about your comfort and is he/she compromising?
7. Is your dating partner a mouthful or is it a gift of the gab?
Is your dating partner a loud mouth or is he/she allowing space for others to also express an opinion? Does he/she run over somebody else’s opinions and thoughts or merely adds his opinion to the list? When you are speaking is your dating partner listening to you or is there consistent interruption to talk about his/her own story. Such interruptions are a pointer to the impatience of a person and also an indicator that the person likes to prove his point over and above the other person. In a way it can be a dominating sign of a personality.
8. Is your dating partner honest or is the lie staring at you?
The most important trait that everyone seeks in their partner is honesty. This can be gauged in a variety of ways. To know whether you are being lied to or not does not require special psychic powers or the ability to read the mind. It can simply be understood by a person’s behavior and if you pay attention to a persons behavior you will have a fair idea of whether you are being lied to or not. Your instincts play a major role here and if you believe that your partner is not being truthful for some reason, listen to your inner voice and your instincts will help to guide you in the right direction.
However you have to be little careful when you listen to your instincts. There is a fine line between listening to your instincts and falling prey to paranoia. Your instincts can often be influenced by your fears of being cheated when actually your partner may be speaking the truth. Therefore understanding the behavior of a lying person is essential so that you can identify a liar rather than just be paranoid yourself.
The body language of a lying person is the one big pointer which you can pay attention to help you. When a person lies, the body language of that person automatically changes to suit the lie. The reason for that is that because that person is lying he/she has to think of a new way to convince you to believe in the lie. In that, they are now trying to act truthful instead of being truthful. Such people will not meet their eyes with yours. So there will be little or no eye contact and this is a sign to tell you that the person cannot look at you straight in the face while talking because the lie has weakened his/her ability to look straight at you. You see their hands, and legs will also be in wild gestures and behave abnormally in such situations. This is because they have to think about acting natural, and this thinking causes them to be off key in their behavior.
9. Meet in public area and be sober yourself
When you meet your dating partner first do ensure that you meet your dating partner in an absolutely open and public area where the meeting can be informal. Since you don’t know the person at all, it is in your own interest to choose such an area for your own comfort. Do not be lured by pep talk by the person to meet you in a secluded place. In fact such coaxing if indulged by the dating person would give you some alarm to be concerned about his/her motives. However this may not be true in all cases as some people genuinely prefer privacy .But you need to convince your dating partner that you are more comfortable at an open place at least during the starting phase. Also ensure that you maintain a sober state when on a date with someone. Do not lose control over your senses for you to regret later. Be on your guard at all times.
10. Inform someone whenever you go on a date and take your cell phone
Never go on a date without keeping someone informed about your dating escapade. However much you may be besotted with your date, and however much you want to keep it private and secluded, ensure that someone of your own knows where exactly you are going and with whom you are going. Also, always carry a mobile phone with you and keep some emergency numbers at a press of a single button in the event of an exigency. In short keep your exit route in reach.
11. Words and actions
The topics on which you talk and discuss will give you silent pointers to the persons personality and his behavioral traits will slowly come out in the open. His/Her situational responses to simple issues and matters are also a good indicator of how he/she is likely to behave in similar lifelike situations .Observe these traits and compare them to his/her outspoken ideals which will give you an indication whether he/she means whatever is written about himself/herself.
12. Love with you or your money?
You are dating to find a soul mate for your life. If your dating partner however wants to know about your financial strength and seeks to know all your financial back up you should e careful not to divulge anything. Also if she/she coaxes or provokes you into parting with some money to get some of his/her work done under some distressful pretext or the other, be careful not to succumb to such expectations. In fact disconnect from such a person before you get hurt even more. Do not get lured into emotional blackmail and do not hesitate to confide about this with your family and friends. Such desires will give a clear indication to you as to where the loyalties of your dating partner lies.
13. Simply refuse sex
When your dating relationship is for the purpose of marriage, do not indulge in physical gratification with your dating partner. If you can withhold it, do not even kiss. In fact watch his moves and keenly observe his/her desire if it is a repeated attempt to convince you.. You should know that very often physical intimacy is the only motivation for people to date online. Once they have their physical relationship with you, they will make it a habit and often blackmail you to give more. You will neither be able to get out of it nor refuse it. Eventually such dating partners will get tired of you and abandon you because their primary desire was not marriage but sexual desire which has been met. Do not succumb to the lure of sex with your dating partner at any cost. Call off the relationship if you feel that your partner is pressurizing you.
14. Paid services are better than free dating services
Using paid services to get your dating partner is also a good reason to ensure that the person that you are dating is not for the fun of it. People who pay for their date are generally going to be more focused on the relationship than those who go for the freebies as they have no ambition but are rather there just because it was freely available to register. However there can be rogue elements even on a paid dating site and one should be careful in both although the risk is going to be far else in paid category sites. Also the most important part about paid sites is that there is at least a paper trail that the dating site has of the respective member in the form of credit card information.
All of the above online dating tips for everyone are to be understood as being derived from practical situations and are arrived after going through the experiences of various people dating on the internet. They are not designed to scare you or deter you from dating online. Neither are they hard and fast rules applicable in all circumstances. They are typical attitude patterns to fend off dating scammers, or mischief makers in most cases and are bound to help you achieve better results compared to being simply ignorant of them.
However they are not a foolproof system which can guarantee you complete success. There are going to be areas in your dating life where some of them if applied strictly may be too harsh and counterproductive if applied to some people who may be an exceptional personality whom you may be dating and to whom some rules may not apply.
Apply these online dating tips in moderation and always keep them at the back of your mind. May you find the goodness of Christ in all your dating endeavors and may his blessings be on you always.
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